Lest We Forget — The True Meaning of Memorial Day

By Lori D.

Memorial Day is Almost Here …

Many Americans have become so oblivious through the years that they have seemingly forgotten “The True Meaning of Memorial Day” (TMOMD). This fog of forgetfulness is somewhat understandable. Blissful confusion has slowly settled in over the years, which has resulted in misguided attitudes towards Memorial Day. These erroneous mindsets have now become a sadly entrenched habit.

But There are Dangers When We Fail to Remember

Years of happy prosperity, followed by fewer conflicts or wars of short duration, combined with a dwindling/dearth of education on the observance, mixed in with a bit of guilt over how we treated our Vietnam Vets, has created the monster of inaccuracies that we are battling now.

Worse yet, gluttonous corporate America continues to morph virtually any possible occasion into an opportunity for overzealous money-making.  All of this has culminated in one big-blowout-barbecue, shopping-extravaganza, start-of-Summer, graduation party, four-day-weekend of gargantuan proportions, with little thought as to why we even have “the day off” in the first place.

However, for some of us who had been to war (and been lucky enough to return), a dawning realization slowly crept in. Deep thoughts about what this most reverent of holidays must be like for a Gold Star Family begin to seep through the thick haze of confusion as the dust, smoke, and welcome-home confetti clears. Lessons from our childhood settle on us like a mantle of responsibility, shattering the halcyon days of a once unmindful past. So, that is when we wake up, speak up, and begin the effort to re-educate others about a day that is much too important to overlook.

Attempting the effort to turn the tide is often difficult. Many of us wind up torn between speaking up or overlooking wrong-doing. Doing the right thing is rarely enjoyable or easy, but this is what we must do, because as I was taught in Army Warrant Officer Candidate School, “when one walks past a wrong — one is equally wrong.” Setting the record straight is an unwelcome chore, as is spending all weekend staunchly defending the day that our government has set aside to honor our fallen, but preserving The True Meaning of Memorial Day is our duty.

There are other reasons we need to carry the load on this. If we fail, who remains to complete this task? The only ones who remember — the Gold Star Family members. Because for them, every day is Memorial Day. They have enough on their plate, and this day is one of the hardest of the year, which is why, as Veterans and patriotic Americans, we have a new mission now — to carry this load for them — To be their advocates. Roger, got it.

What Exactly Are We Facing Here?

Several things are happening with Memorial Day, and virtually every year, we seemingly add another battle, but below are some of the most significant issues we face concerning confusion over Memorial Day.

1. “HAPPY Memorial Day” is highly inappropriate on the ONE day reserved for honoring our Fallen Heroes
2. Memorial Day is for the FALLEN. Stop thanking ALL vets. That happens on Veterans Day in November
3. There is more to Memorial Day than barbecues and blowout sales

PLEASE Stop Saying “Happy Memorial Day”

Would we wish someone a happy funeral? Or a Happy War Dead Day? Anyone with a modicum of feeling would avoid behaving in such a gauche manner. So why has flinging out this unthinking greeting on Memorial Day become somewhat acceptable? Again, this improper habit goes back to lack of education and a switch in priorities. Also, we have been programmed and conditioned to view the entire weekend as a total blowout through the consistent application of millions of dollars in paid advertising by corporate America.

Our grandparents would understand the impropriety of saying something like “Happy Memorial Day” because the Greatest Generation knows and profoundly understands all too well the hardships and heartbreaks of a fight for one’s very existence. Anyone who says “Happy Memorial Day” automatically needs to sit down and re-watch “Saving Private Ryan” or “Band of Brothers” until they GET why losing a loved one to war is the farthest thing from happy. Until unthinking people understand that the price of freedom has an enormous cost, and our all-important barbecues are made possible only through a river of blood, sweat, and tears, we need to keep reminding these folks that as Americans, WE have a cumulative DEBT to pay — which is paid on AT LEAST one day a year. That day is Memorial Day — the ONE day of the year, where we have an opportunity to REMEMBER the sacrifices that make our freedoms possible.

“LEST WE FORGET” is so very important for a reason. However, people have indeed forgotten. This simple phrase that began in Europe in honor of Remembrance Day and ANZAC Day implores us to be wary as a nation — Because a nation that forgets runs the risk of losing freedom or repeating mistakes of the past.

People who employ the phrase “Happy Memorial Day” neglect to consider the price of freedom. They have forgotten about how many young people died on the beaches of Normandy. They have overlooked the 58,220 U.S. fatal casualties who perished in Viet Nam.  Moreover, they have surely failed to contemplate the feelings experienced by a Gold Star Family who has lost a loved one to war. Can we, for one second, empathize and imagine how difficult hearing the words “HAPPY Memorial Day” must be for a Gold Star kid? How they must dread this weekend.

Lots of well-meaning (but confused) Americans have their heart in the right place, but somewhere along the way, they have lost sight of The True Meaning of Memorial Day. Many of these people grew up in small towns where dutiful citizens carefully placed the flags in the Memorial Park and tidied up the cemetery neat as a pin. Many of these small towns pulled out all the stops in reverent tributes to our fallen, and later they diligently observed a moment of silence at 3 pm. They did everything right. But there was also a Mayfest going on downtown, and Little Johnny has his graduation, and Sue Ellen has her alumni reunion dinner, and Sarah is getting married this weekend — and on and on and so forth. So, fewer and fewer people MAKE time to go to the Memorial Park or cemetery anymore. Besides, hearing “Taps” is so depressing.” Damn straight — Losing loved ones to war is hard, and sad, and at times incredibly depressing, on this day and EVERY day. That is why we MUST take a moment to remember the sacrifice that allows us unfettered freedom to do as we please.

Lest we forget …

Was the sacrifice of these brave Americans unworthy of even one tear, even a few minutes on one’s weekend RADAR? Many Americans have decided their calendar is too full — they find MAKING time to acknowledge the sacrifices of our fallen is simply a bridge too far. Which is vastly hypocritical since an American hero gave their life for our freedom, yet another American is unable even to make time to remember these heroes existed — that they sacrificed their life and their future with their own families so that we could enjoy our luxurious freedoms? Looks like way too many are too busy to care. However, these disinterested Americans do feel a little bit guilty that their calendar is too slammed to give a crap, and they do feel kind of bad that everyone was so hateful to the Vietnam Vets. So, to make up for all the guilt, they thank us.

Only one problem. This day is about FALLEN vets. Period. LIVING vets are honored on a different day. Memorial Day is the ONE day of the year, set aside to remember our war dead.

Lest we forget …

Memorial Day Thank-You’s for LIVING Vets are Inappropriate

PLEASE, avoid THANKING living vets on Memorial Day. We know folks mean well, and we appreciate the underlying thought, but every time someone gets Memorial Day wrong, fixing the situation becomes our onerous responsibility. Again, correcting and educating misguided souls is a loathsome task — but one we are obligated to uphold. We survived. We carry the torch now. This is our duty.

Wait. What? Memorial Day is only for Veterans who died? Yes. But avoid thanking us — we are thankfully still alive! THIS premise at the heart of our educational efforts at The True Meaning of Memorial Day.

Lest we forget …

Memorial Day Confusion

Americans have managed to lump Veterans Day, Memorial Day, Armed Forces Day, and in some instances, Independence Day into one occasion. The meanings are so muddled that many American businesses/media outlets seem to celebrate the same stuff on every patriotic occasion.

Important Patriotic American Holidays

To briefly explain:

• Armed Forces Day: (Third Saturday of May) We thank those veterans who are serving currently
• Memorial Day: (Last Monday in May) We honor those vets who died in service to our country and are no longer alive to thank
• Veterans Day: (November 11th) We thank our living vets and remember all vets on this day
• Independence Day: (July 4th) We celebrate the adoption of the Declaration of Independence by the United States (in 1776), which declared that the original thirteen American colonies now regarded themselves as a new nation (the United States of America) and were no longer part of the Kingdom of Great Britain (now the United Kingdom)

Inappropriate Memorial Day Celebrations, Activities, and Reactions

Memorial Day Fireworks

For the record, fireworks are likely almost always inappropriate for Memorial Day. Would shooting off fireworks at a funeral be appropriate?  

In the days preceding Memorial Day, if someone wants to … whatever … play with fireworks — That is certainly their right. But remember, Memorial Day is more of an occasion than a celebration. There is very little justification to tie fireworks to Memorial Day. So, consider saving the pyrotechnics for the appropriate celebratory holidays, such as Independence Day.

Lest we forget …

Corporate Memorial Day Sales

Item next — Please avoid promoting corporate or business efforts on Memorial Day.

Sales associated with Memorial Day are ALWAYS disrespectful. Consumers, please avoid supporting businesses who disrespect our fallen and their families by hosting “Memorial Day Sales.” Why are Memorial Day Sales wrong? Corporate America has played a large part in replacing reverence with shopping and partying and fireworks and all sorts of junk that is inappropriate for Memorial Day. Commercializing an observance intended to pay respect to fallen heroes is uncouth. Enough said.

Many organizations also share “Thank You Vets” graphics and memes on Memorial Day. This activity perpetuates the wrong idea about Memorial Day. If one sees a company who is getting The True Meaning of Memorial Day wrong, by hosting sales and thanking vets — please document the nature of the offense, along with the business name and information and send this information to us, or let the business know in one’s own words how wrong this is. We all must do our best through education and gentle corrections to turn back the tide of misinformation perpetuated by businesses, media entities, and ill-informed individuals.

All newspaper, radio, television, and social media outlets should ensure that their internal and external content honors The True Meaning of Memorial Day. There is a considerable onus for mass media to educate the public and get this correct. Please work hard to do the right thing and inform advertisers of better ways to effectively promote their products without the perception of capitalizing on the forgotten memories of our American heroes.

Lest We Forget …

Bummer Litany

Then somewhere, scattered around the tumbleweeds of guilt swirling around our feet and the ticker tape parades meant to make up for the past, America has dumped the butter boat of gratitude all over a new generation of vets, who in some instances blithely accepted the accolades and went full-force into barbecue-mode themselves, maybe without giving the deplorable nature of this situation a lot of extra thought.

Let’s be real — Some of the newer generation of veterans feel a bit guilty now too, so they justify the barbecues by launching into the speech about how we should avoid “being sad,” aka the “Bummer Litany.”

The chant goes something like this: “As a Veteran, I have seen lots of people talking about what to do on Memorial Day, and if I were the one who died, I would be unhappy if my friends and family were moping around and being sad, and skipping barbecues.”

Stop. Here again, Memorial Day is about the FALLEN, and what other veterans think or want is immaterial on this day. Memorial Day has been set aside since 30 May 1868 to honor our fallen. We need to do our best to help honor and preserve The True Meaning of Memorial Day. Period.

Lest We Forget …

But We Wanna Barbecue on Memorial Day!

There is a perception that advocates of The True Meaning of Memorial Day are discouraging barbecues and festivities and encouraging sadness. Completely UNTRUE.

This “bummer litany” seems to be the hue and cry in response to our efforts to encourage TMOMD educational outreach. PLEASE, barbecue until blue in the face and freely make plans and do all the desired activities. But can we be willing to be mindful of accomplishing this without:

THANKING a vet

And if in the midst of a super fun-filled, action-packed four-day, one has a spare moment, yes, please do make an effort to remember The True Meaning of Memorial Day.

If I were a vet who died in combat, what I would truly want is for people to take care of my family: To honor them as they deal with the sacrifice of the hand they have been dealt. To help them so that the responsibility of bearing my loss sits a little less heavy on their shoulders. Yes, I would also want people to enjoy their weekend, but only if I could rest easy knowing my family could avoid the burden of being the only ones who remember The True Meaning of Memorial Day.

Lest We Forget …

Take Appropriate Responsibility

This very important day is here for a reason. As defenders of The True Meaning of Memorial Day, we understand that bringing up some of these points may hurt the feelings of good-intentioned folks when we gently remind them that they are mistaken. Being corrected is embarrassing for them. So, the natural reaction is to get mad or fire back or make counter-accusations.

But please, if any of this resonates at all, avoid the temptation to choose to be offended. Receive the message in the spirit intended, and simply resolve to do better. Avoid “kill the messenger” attitudes and telling Gold Star family members that they are wrong for speaking out in an effort to educate. Take responsibility for one’s actions — forgetting TMoMD is a big deal, but things will be okay — we all screw up every now and again. All we ask is that people commit to doing better next time. The only thing that needs to be said is, “I’m so glad to know this — thank you for letting me know.” Period. Then endeavor to join us in helping others to do better as well.

Things are slowly getting better, and the tide is turning some. Awareness is spreading, and others are picking up the torch and reaching out to educate the well-meaning but misinformed on The True Meaning of Memorial Day. However, America still needs to do more — Lest we forget.

Ways to Properly Honor Memorial Day?

1. Educate one’s self and others, especially children
2. Learn about appropriate Memorial Day activities in the local area (Yes — they are there!) and then participate. Be sure to take children to these events so they can learn about the importance of Memorial Day as well.
   • Place flags or wreaths on the resting spots of veterans
   • Parades
   • Memorials
   • Remember, there are opportunities for this around Christmas as well
   • Cemetery clean-up efforts — Check out the Find-A-Grave page for local cemeteries to learn more.
     • Also, consider adopting a veteran’s Find-A-Grave page
       Is this veteran connected to their family members on Find-A-Grave?
     • Encourage children to learn about this vet
     • Do any pictures exist? Documents on Ancestry.com, or free sites like FamilySearch.org or Wikitree.com?
3. Reach out to Gold Star Families​ in your area. Learn their story and offer support!
4. Share one’s educational efforts via social media
5. Share one’s respectful Memorial Day activities via social media
6. Organize and invite others to take part in Memorial Day activities
7. Make the time to teach others about the essential nature of Memorial Day and share why it is so important to treat the day with a touch of reverence and preserve this special day for the intended purpose
8. Media outlets (newspapers, tv, radio, social media, etc.,) should encourage advertisers to select appropriately-themed Memorial Day messages and discourage advertisements that dishonor TMoMD
9. Look for resources such as this page -> then share them!
10. Help others to learn by directing them to pages like The True Meaning of Memorial Day
11. Like, tag, comment, or share content from the site or TMOMD social media

Most importantly remember our heroes and the sacrifices of their families, especially on Memorial Day.

Lest we Forget.

#LestWeForget
#TMOMD
#TrueMeaningOfMemorialDay
#MemorialDay